I should have never come to Canada. Cause now I have a huge hole in my heart for not being there.
How are you all doing? I hope you're not getting so stressed from the start of school (as I do).
So I spent last 3 weeks in Canada and it was absolutely amazing. I got the chance to meet my dear friends and I didn't want to leave. I cried. A lot. And I miss them so much. You can't even imagine. I felt much better there. Maybe because all my troubles stayed in here. That doesn't mean I got rid of depression and anxiety, sadly, these things follow you everywhere. But in general, I felt happier. And I was really sad to leave. It felt like a new start, and these 3 weeks were one of the best ones in my life. I would go back immediately if I could. But it doesn't work that way. I gotta finish my last year of high school. And that's gonna be hard. To be completely honest with you, I'm freaking out. Tommorow is the first day of school for me. And I'm freaked out. I don't know how I'm gonna deal with it. I have to start looking for universities really soon and it makes me feel like crap. All the stress is coming to me in huge waves and I can't take it. I'm having anxiety attacks and I'm breaking down. It really sucks. I envy people who are okay. Yes, they are stressed too, or they are afraid. But they don't let it inside of their heads. They can deal with it. Most of the people can deal with it. And I'm not one of them. I'm scared of what my future will bring. I'm scared I won't get to uni. I'm scared I won't finish my last year of high school. Everything is happening too fast and I'm just being dragged by it, not being able to stop for a moment and look at it without freaking out. I don't know what to do. Right now, I just want to not be.
Eugh, and I wanted this journal to be at least a little bit positive. Guess it's not how things work in my life. I'm sorry for being so sad, there's just too much going on in my life and I'm not handling it well. I'll add some photos when I get a chance to do so, right now, I should focus on the start of school and on looking for universities. Wish me luck, guys, and I hope you're doing better than I do.
Listening to: The Lighthouse And The Whaler - Iron Doors